You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
