Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
