"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
