Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet

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(443): View more from Maryland

you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went

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(314): View more from Missouri

he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

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(250): View more from British Columbia

A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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(407): View more from Florida

I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila

(618): View more from Illinois

Most of the people I know from AA

(270): View more from Kentucky

Haha touché

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