Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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