Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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