I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
