I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
