Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
