this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
