Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
