Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
