I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
