i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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