God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize