i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
