Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize