since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
