Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sponge bath it is.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
