They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
