you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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