It's like God shit irony all over that family
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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