fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
