I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
