My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
