She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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