I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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