Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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