at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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