Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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