Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
