lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
