So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
