I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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