oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
