Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
