Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
