Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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