can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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