So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
