Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
