I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
