thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
