Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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