the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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