so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
