Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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