Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
