Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
