tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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