Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
