Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
