i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
