I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
