my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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