4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
