Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
