I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
