Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
