I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
