I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
