Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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