He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize