you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
