i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
