I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
