Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
