goodnight i made you a song goodbye
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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