I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
