I look better un-naked...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
