Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize