At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
