My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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