Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
