Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
