Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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