i permit you to call me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
