I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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