u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
