one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
