You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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