my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wear drunk well.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
