# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
