:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
