And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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