well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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