Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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