I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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