ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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