Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
