I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
