she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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