double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
