Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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